I’d love to dance around with you and share a cocktail (or ten) so come hang!

♥ Sarah Mincher

On Monday I am extremely proud to report my Wolves boys opened up for Electric Guest (fresh off their hot David Letterman performance) at The Masquerade and really killed it. I saw 13-year-old girls freaking out to Kyle Dreaden’s dance moves and that totally confirmed to me I was running with the right pack. I LOVE WOLVES. Download their new album Youth here for FREE! Yes that’s right, FREE WITH NSA Y’ALL!

PackLife at The Masqerade!

Tuesday started out normal and went downhill in a fiery carbohydrate fueled accident REAL fast. I woke up, went for a run and felt utterly amazing about it. This is going to be a GREAT DAY SARAH! A GREAT DAY! I sang in my head over and over again thanks to my endorphin high. I will write, I will clean my apartment, I shall dance around to Rolling Stones in my undies- hell, I might even give a bum a can of Diet Coke (I did that once and felt great for like a week / I highly recommend it). So, I’m deep in these life-changing thoughts as I hear the toast pop out of the toaster in the kitchen and I excitedly run towards the kitchen, trip over the boots I flung there lazily after the concert last night, proceed to fall into the counter AND ACCIDENTLY JAM MY HAND INTO THE SEARING HOT TOASTER. I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE PAIN. MY HAND IS INSIDE THE ACTUAL WAFFLE SLOT. MY HAND MAY NOW BE A WAFFLE. THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST PAINFUL THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE INCLUDING THAT TIME I GOT ELECTROCUTED BY A VACUMN IN 8TH GRADE. I screamed, removed my hand and the flesh already looked like it was going to fall off. I know what the smell of cooked Sarah smells like and trust me, even I wouldn’t eat that. So I’m kinda just standing there screaming for a minute before Waffle Hand really registers with me and I realize I need ice. Badly.

Open Freezer. No Ice. Moments like this I really hate myself for not being more pratical, and like, you know, a “real adult.” Sure I may have three drawers full of hair products but is there cube of ice or bandaid in my apartment? No, of course. The freezer does however contain a stack of money (banks kinda scare me because if you don’t see something, how do you know it truly exists? This is also how I feel about China but thats a discussion for another time my friend. Let’s just say I won’t be brushing up on my math skills anytime soon, CHINA…. if that is your “real” name), two frozen chicken breasts in a plastic bag in case of a serious protein emergency and a frozen banana due to this idea I once had of marketing frozen bananas as “natures popsicles’”…and…yeah, that’s as far as I got with that idea. I’d like to blame this idea on that 6 month period Michael Payne seemed to wear nothing but a monkey suit to MJQ. It was all very influential in a Jungle Book meets Party Monster kind of way. So (still freaking the fuck out) I grab the the chicken and banana, throw them into my purse, grab my car keys and run for the door.

Hold up. Let’s regroup. I am currently wearing my little pony nightgown that I slipped back on after my shower, am totally barefoot, and I am running like my life depends on it to my car with my hand in a bag of barbeque chicken.

yes.

this happened.

So I quickly leave my Ponce Pony Pad, hightail it to the CVS on Ponce and try to look as normal as possible going inside (which I feel like is hard enough for me life without having to deal with waffle hand). Oversized sunglasses make me feel safe but at this point there really is no point at trying to hide the freakshow that is currently me. You can run but you can hide from crazy, y’all. So I’m trying to quickly navigate to the aisle with burn creme (believe it or not this is NOT my first or last serious hand burn. When you like hair straighteners, toast, and vodka as much as I do, it’s not a question of if, but when) without running or crying all while alternating clutching chicken and a frozen banana inside my purse.

Then the worst thing that could possibly happen at that moment happens. Two feet in front of me is, carefully eyeing the snack aisle is…well…HIM. The “one that got away”. Come on girls, we all have one, and if you don’t…trust me, YOU WILL. Then you will compare everyone else to him, get sad when you smell his cologne on a stranger, have a secret playlist of “your songs” you listen to to torture yourself and maybe at one point wake up hungover with your browser open to his facebook page. Sidenote: I did not think these activities were that depressing but seeing them written down like this makes me feel a bit… sad for myself. Remind me never to make lists like this about my failed love life again. Anyways. Moving on. Now, logic would tell me said boy…. (hmmm… needs a nickname… something so vague even he wont be able to tell… um… KEN). Okay, so logic would tell me Ken doesn’t even live in Atlanta anymore and if you actually bumped into Ken you would probably want to say hi and have a nice “how are you” “oh great! hahah. Sooo is this a banana in my purse or am I just really happy to see you?” (uhhh, BOTH) conversation.

But when you are wearing a my little pony nightgown in a drugstore barefoot at 2pm with your hand clutching a frozen banana, logic doesn’t excatly come into play.

So, as any grown women would do, I spin around to hide from Ken and FALL DIRECTLY INTO THE MINI 99 CENT MINI CANDLE DISPLAY. MINI CANDLES EVERYWHERE. PUMPKIN, CINNAMON AND VANILLA SCENTS SEALING MY DOOM.

FROZEN BANANA GOES FLYING.

TIME STOPS.

WANT TO DIE.

I lay on the floor in the middle of my holiday scented doom. I hate myself. I hear a store clerk rushing over and I wish I could close my eyes and make this all go away. He helps me up (grabbing waffle hand which had stopped hurting thanks to the huge fucking heart stopping scene I just caused, but now throbs again) and repeatedly asks if I’m okay. I nod. I hear another voice behind, “Oh my god. Are you okay??” I whip around.

It’s Ken. But…it’s not Ken. In fact this Ken looks nothing like THAT Ken. Like… not even beer googles could mistake one boy for the other.  It’s just a very concerned looking boy I’ve never met before politely asking if I have my situation under control. Obviously, the answer is no. I stare at him dumbfounded. I am crazy, officially blind, at least 10% mentally disabled, and seriously do not even want to think what Freud would say about this situation. A situation all created due to my own laziness and paranoia. Go me!

I pay for my burn creme at the counter in my pink pony nightgown, shoeless, still clutching my bag of now semi-thawed frozen chicken and don’t even try to hold back the tear. This may have been the most painful morning in my life, in more ways than one. Waffle hand has not only hurt my favorite texting finger but my heart as well.

I shall never forget Waffle Hand and needless to say, I’m staying away from toast for a long time.

Due to the severity of my emotional turmoil over Waffle Hand and maybe a Real Housewives of Jersey marathon, I obviously did nothing Wednesday.  I did however, buy some ice. Look like someone’s growing up!

Thursday I decided I could no longer hide from society, so with a handful of Hello Kitty bandages and an evil glare at my toaster, I decided to frolic the sreets of Little Five Points, where I ended up at The Porter. I went there alone because I really like solo adventures. My sister claims it’s odd that I go to movies and resturants by myself but I find it odd when people CAN’T do things like that. You enter the world alone, you leave the world alone. Watching Hunger Games by yourself really shouldn’t be that earth shattering. Anyways, I met these random dudes in town from California and we had some drinks, shared a  brownie sundae (omg you HAVE to try them) and played a very random game of “Would you rather.” They asked to come over and use my pool and in my head I thought “Would you rather….Entertain a group of random drunk dudes OR watch Mad Men by yourself?” and any time Don Draper is an option, Don Draper is the ONLY option. Bye bye, boys.

Friday. A lovely gentlemen has been telling me he was going to bake me a cheesecake now for a few weeks. It’s one of those things that I just kind of laugh at and say right right. I mean, I send texts to guys all the time with things I NEVER plan on doing for the sake of a funny conversation. Like “HEY MEET ME AT THE LOCAL IN TEN MINUTES I’LL BUY YOU A DRINK” or “HEY IM IN LOVE WITH YOU” or you know, normal things like that. So you’ll imagine my surprise when I walk into my day job to discover this:

Um, excuse me one moment while I high five myself.

Later that night I, oh hold on, it doesn’t matter. Someone made me a cheesecake. Moving on.

Saturday night my favy band Wolves played 529 with Fishhawk and I got to hang out with lots of people I love. I really like 529 because it has purrfectly located outdoor patio to enjoy the lovely East Atlanta ambiance with A WALK UP WINDOW FOR DRINKS. The first time I discovered it I actually said “is this real life??” in my weird little boy voice. Which, coincidentally, is the same voice I use to ask guys to buy me drinks. Shrug.

I’m totally and completely obsessed with The Only Way is Essex and spent my Sunday catching up on the dramz. It’s like a British version of The Hills with more hairspray and less Brody Jenner (tear). I highly recommend it if you’re into dramatic obviously scripted reality shows that include graphic scenes of vajazzling, beans on toast, and a liberal use of the word “Slag.”

See you next week ATL! And feel free to follow me on twitter + facebook you silly slagilicious Waffle Hands  

♥ Sarah Mincher

Ah my loves, spring is most definitely in the air! Gone are those horrid winter doldrums, it’s that glorious time of year where you can’t help but feel happier, prettier, and more adventurous. ‘Tis the season to embrace new beginnings, new beaus, and new beauty routines! I decided that the past week would be the perfect time to (lovingly) cast aside my signature scent and experiment with perfumes that remind me of the magical freshness that is spring.

Before I delve into my favorite spring fragrance picks it’s important to note that the same perfume often smells differently on each individual due to one’s unique body chemistry. What might smell achingly lovely on your girlfriend can produce a vastly less appealing scent when you spritz it on yourself. That’s why I’ve enlisted some helpful volunteers (i.e. family members with no choice in the matter) to help me test out the scents featured below in order to get the most comprehensive verdict. But enough jibber jabber, let’s get to the goodies!

DOLCE & GABBANA LIGHT BLUE

Sephora: 0.8 oz bottle for $48.00

I can sum up what the aroma of Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Blue fragrance reminds me of in the illustrious words of Outkast: “so fresh and so clean clean”. It gives off a sweet, citrusy scent that I find to be both refreshing and relaxing. While I enjoyed how it smelled on me, I did prefer the effect it had on my sister. I pity the boy who walks by her if she’s wearing this, he doesn’t stand a chance. I must also add that my boyfriend wears Light Blue for men and I want to bury my nose into his skin every time he applies it. Très sexy. The only negative that my sister and I found with this fragrance is that it doesn’t seem to last terribly long, but two words can remedy that issue: travel size!

BVLGARI ROSE ESSENTIELLE

Sephora: 1 oz bottle for $65.00

During one of my characteristic wanderings through the Wonderland that is Sephora I discovered this gem of a perfume. I LOVE IT. Bvlgari Rose Essentielle is the ultimate expression of femininity captured into a scent. Is there any flower that smells more luxuriously ladylike than that of the rose? This perfume is subtle, fresh, and classic. Prepare yourself to be complimented. While wearing this I find it easy to imagine that I’m an Old Hollywood starlet making my debut at the Oscars with Cary Grant as my escort. Le sigh.

My idol Ava Gardner would be totally into this perfume, I’m convinced.

MARC JACOBS DAISY

Sephora: 1.7 oz bottle for $62.00

Marc Jacobs Daisy is a fragrance that was made to embody spring. Its light and sweet scent is fruity and floral, but I found that it develops into a sultry Gardenia and Jasmine infused concoction as time wears on. Both my mother and I received numerous compliments while wearing this, mostly from men might I add. A word of caution: a little goes a long way with this product, so don’t go spray-crazy when applying it or it will smell way too overpowering and you’ll be the bane of every packed elevator.

ESCADA ESPECIALLY ESCADA

Sephora: 1 oz bottle for $46.00

I received a sample of Especially Escada from Sephora, and the moment I applied it I immediately closed my eyes and just swooned over how incredible it smelled. Needless to say, I bought a bottle the next day. This irresistible floral scent is fresh, glamorous, and playful. Whenever I have it on at work I constantly get asked by the guys what I’m wearing if they catch a whiff of it. One of my bosses even demanded that I write down the name of it so he could buy it that day for his wife, I kid you not. This is also a new favorite of my boyfriend’s, who when pressed for a review described it as “sexy and feminine”. Touché, Escada!

Lastly, a quick note regarding the application of these aforementioned spring scents. I would get into detail regarding the importance of pulse points, et cetera, but I think Coco Chanel summed it up best when she advised to “wear it wherever you want to be kissed”. And with that in mind, spritz up and enjoy the season, ladies! 

xoxo

Since I’ve been jet-setting to lavish grunge shows in the most upscale basements of NYC, I hope all my ATLiens have been well and enjoying the fact that KING OF POPS IS BAAAACK (I know I’ve only been here since September, but I quickly caught how important seeing that rainbow umbrella is).

All that aside, summer is almost here (or is it already here? I always figured summer came when it was a steady 75 degrees) and that means there are LOTS of good shows around town. Below are a few upcoming ones!

Wednesday, May 16th at The Drunken Unicorn, Parallels (with Fader Vixen and Ghost Party.
Even the worst of dancers (me) like good, 80s era electronic music to help get over the mid-week hump. Plus, the singer is a total babe and the band has been touring hard, garnering lots of good buzz.

Friday, May 18th at the Masquerade: Screeching Weasel, The Queers, Karbomb.
Where there’s pop-punk, there are The Ramones. But, since we all couldn’t be around when the kings of blue jeans and leather jackets were in their prime, we get the next best thing. Plus, I have a Screeching Weasel tattoo and if you come, I’ll give you a matching one.

Monday, May 28th at 529: Municipal Waste, Black Tusk, Irreversible Spewtilator.
THIS SHOW IS NOT FOR THE WEAK WILLED OR FAINT OF HEART. Richmond sewer punks Municipal Waste put on one of the best live shows, and Black Tusk is a whole different type of metal. 529 has been putting on some killer shows lately, but I have to warn you ladies, you will get showered with beer at this show, or maybe worse. So bring an umbrella.

Hope to see some of y’all out and about. Let me know when any of you readers are having a pool party because it is HOT out and I need to break in my unicorn raft.

xo

Susannah

Monday was spent with my favorite Atlanta Rock and Rollers – Wolves and Thom Chapman. Secretly I am just working with them because I am obsessed with their girlfriends/roommates/babes around town Sabrina and Emma. Just joking (kinda). The three of us bonded over fake eyelashes one night at Star Bar and I’ve been lurking them out ever since. HEY GIRLS. LURK YOU.

My boytoy Winny and I edited photos Tuesday at Victory Sammmy for the ad campaign we’re about to launch for Design-r!  Check out our cute little teaser!

Ps- Victory Sammy is delicious but not as hot when baby darlin Ashley Gunter is not working. I like adult slushies with a side of mom jeans, ya know?

Wednesday, Ariana Nicole and I went back to Czar Bar (read our previous adventure at the “ice bar” here) for a media event. I didn’t know the event was open bar or I would have been there at like noon. Ariana had the most delicious lychee martini but the true highlight of the night was meeting Kim Zolziack’s Big Papa, the man who inspired my favorite Housewives hit single of all time, “The Ring Don’t Mean a Thing”. If you aren’t into Bravo (aka crack for your eyes) or Real Housewives you probably don’t get this reference and I don’t care to explain it. What I will say is that honey Papa, if you are looking for Kim2.0….look no further. I am not blonde or fake tittied but I’ve been told I give great text.

Thursday I made a friend at the gym at 3am and we sat on the floor talking about Mad Men for like two hours. I came to the conclusion Don Draper can strangle me any day, working out is hard, but laying on the floor is fun.

Friday night I had the pleasure of hosting Wil May’s weekly party #COOL at The W Midtown!

I woke up with a lot of cotton candy in my purse (seriously) so obviously the event went really well. Anytime you need me Wil May… I will work for candy. And by work, I mean sit in a corner drinking jalapeno margaritas with my friends and demand DJ Diabiase play Mariah Carey numerous times while promising to buy him nachos from Taco Cabana afterwards. Which obviously did not happen but intent is like, 80% of the law or something, right?

One of my lovely bloggers Elizabeth and I AKA repeat Nacho Offenders.

On Saturday I went out with BARNEY. If you don’t know who Barney is, you can read the embarrassingly hilarious story on how we met here. I’d like to take this moment to point out the night went wrong very, very quickly and it may or may not be due to the fact I wore my hair like Princess Leia. Once again, this is all Dax’s fault because he texted me earlier in the day he found a Star Trek episode with George Costanza in it and my imagination took it from there and suddenly I was space babe 3000 making light saber noises with my chopsticks at Shout. Secondly, Barney just ordered water. WHO JUST ORDERS WATER? THAT IS OFFICIALLY THE ONLY FREE THING ABOUT THIS DATE, MR. Let me tell you. I want 1. a water with lemon 2. a Diet Coke and 3. a cocktail. I have some weird totally unexplainable fear of randomly dying from dehydration so I like to have lots of liquids around me or else I get really anxious. Then I have to pee like every two minutes. DO NOT see a movie with me. It’s all very stressful.

So he orders his water and with a little bit of self-restraint I simply order a water AND a cocktail (sorry Diet Coke, someone had to go) and then….I get really bored. I don’t know what my problem is. Wait, actually I do. One of me and Ariana’s favorite tipsy conversations (besides how we’re both glad we don’t have tattoos. Hey, you like what you like, I’ll like what I like) is that our daddy problems are….WE DON’T HAVE DADDY PROBLEMS. I grew up on a steady diet of happy ending Disney movies and an extremely brilliant man who treats my mother like a queen telling me I’m amazinggg l am all the time.

Which apparently has totally and completely ruined my ability to date.

Thanks for being the shit, Dad.

So anyways, back to Barney. So he won’t stop making comments on my hair and I won’t stop making light saber noises with my chopsticks and checking my text messages so it’s obviously not going to work. He is not the Prince to my Snow White. So we’re supposed to go to some cocktail party his super adult friends throwing in buckhead (eye roll) and as he picks up the check he mentions his “ex-wife may or may not be there.”

I think about it for a minute and let him know someone who certainly won’t be there. ME. The last thing i want to spend my night doing is having some women 20 years older than me mean mugging me all night. I am a people pleaser. I will go over to her and try to make best friends. She will refuse to be my best friend and I will be upset about it for weeks. I don’t even know her and I’m already upset she doesn’t like me. I will not be able to sleep tonight.

So I have him drop me off and I can tell he’s going to kiss me but I try to do this awkward head turn thingy when lands me accidentally kissing his ear. And…. it smelled REALLY FUNNY. Like, did you take a shower this week hunny? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a slave to dry shampoo but come on MAN. You are like 40. Q-Tips are your friend. Buying girls drinks on dates is your friend. Complimenting my Star Wars hairstyle is your friend. Your ex-wife is not my friend AND this is our end.

Bye bye Barney.

Sunday, I was tired and wanted to lay around catching up on Game of Thrones but I knew there was a totally awesome benefit going on at Fallen Arrows For Trashwater that deserved leaving the house for. PLUS there was an AXE throwing station WITH A BULLSEYE which was kind of like “real life Game of Thrones sorta not really but I have an over active imagination”. Electrocult and Baby Baby performed (AMAZING job GUYS! AND Baby Baby I’m taking you up on that offer to rap together. I have no talent but a lot of hairspray so that has to count for something), Dylan York peed in the pool and dudes kept trying to get me to eat a hot dog. I did not eat the hot dogs, throw an axe or get in the pool but I did run into Ash Lethal and I like that girl a lot. She makes me want to be artistic and a dirty blonde. I will never be those things but maybe one day I will throw an axe or eat a hot dog at a or pee in the communal pool party. A girl can dream, right?

And for more boy drama and updates on whether or not I decided to eat a hot dog after all, check out my twitter and facebook page! See you next week for another edition of #PAGEMINCH!

♥ Sarah Mincher

The PACKLIFE/WOLVES crew chillaxing at The Masq (sans drummer Zak Ray…I think he was off somewhere being birthday drunk. Good boy). Photo by Dylan York!

Come hang with us this Saturday!

And for more information on Wolves and their amazing Record Label Pack Life, click HERE. Seriously. CLICK. IT.

♥ Sarah Mincher

Featuring the amazing headlining act of BABY BABY, this awesome event features a raffle with prizes benefiting Trashwater from Sam Flax, Ash Lethal, Dads Garage, Victory Sandwich, Manuel’s Tavern, The Brick Store Pub, Ragging Burrito and more!

PLUS the amazingly talented rock and roll heart-throbs of the Wolves have donated a pair of tickets to their show Monday, May 7th at The Masquerade with Electric Guest! Check them out, swoon, and repeat.

And if for some super sad reason you don’t win the raffle and still want tickets to see them live, I currently have some I would love to hand deliver to you with a sparkle smooch. Just shoot me an email at Sorrydarlin@gmail.com!

See you Sunday ATL!

♥ Sarah Mincher

Anyway! Last week I told you all about my favorite beauty products to last you from dusk till dawn. I realize that many of the products featured are a *tad* pricey, so for my cost-conscious divas out there I’m going to focus on some budget-friendly picks this week. Now I must admit, I am definitely partial to the higher-end products because I believe that like most things in life, you get what you pay for. However, unless you’re bringing in a sizable paycheck or still living off the generous parental dime (no shame in that!), then it’s just not an economically feasible option to go buck-wild in Sephora on the regular. Luckily, there are some wonderful drugstore-brand products that give results comparable to those of the luxury lines.

Now, I firmly believe that if you’re going to splurge on anything, it should be foundation. Think about it, you’re applying it on your entire face and creating the base for the rest of your makeup to go on. Generally, if you opt for a cheap product then you can fully expect for your would-be makeup masterpiece to come crashing down mere hours later due to a shoddy foundation. But enough lecturing! The best drug-store brand foundation I’ve tried and seen on is L’Oreal Paris True Match Super-Blendable Makeup SPF 17. The great thing about this product is that it offers so many different shades to choose from, so you can find the perfect match for your skin tone. It also has a nice texture and does a good job at hiding imperfections. L’Oreal Paris even offers a True Match iPhone app for this foundation, so you can find out what shade you are before hitting up the drugstore (a major plus since it’s a big no-no to try out products there)!

CVS: $10.49

Bronzer-wise, I really like New York Color’s Smooth Skin Bronzing Face Powder in Sunny. It looks natural and gives you a sun-kissed glow, thus avoiding the “dirty orange” result that I find common from many drugstore brands. Because it’s matte, it can also be used as a contouring tool. Also, you just cannot beat the price for something that works this well!

www.drugstore.com : $2.69!

Love Nars’ Orgasm but not digging the price? I’ve found the perfect inexpensive doppleganger for you! Milani’s Mineral Blush in Luminous looks IDENTICAL to Nars’ Orgasm for a fraction of the cost. While CVS and Walgreen’s seemed to have stopped carrying this product as of late, you can order it from Cherry Culture here for only $5.75.

Left: Nars Orgasm Right: Milani Luminous

An excellent low-cost alternative to Mac’s Fluidline is Wet ‘n’ Wild’s Mega Eyes Creme Eyeliner in Black. It doesn’t smudge, is super-easy to apply, and is long-lasting. I recommend using a nicer applicator brush than the one it comes with, though.

CVS: $3.99

As far as eyeshadow goes, I’ve found Revlon’s ColorStay 16 Hour Eyeshadow Quad to provide a lot of bang for your buck. There’s a litany of shade combinations you can choose from, it’s durable, and it doesn’t fade or flake. Hurrah!

CVS: $7.49

I will preach the power of Dior’s incredible mascara line until the day I die, but if you’re looking for an inexpensive alternative then L’Oreal Paris Voluminous Mascara (Carbon Black) is the way to go. It evenly coats lashes, doesn’t flake, and creates lush, dramatic volume. Don’t forget to use your eyelash curler first, though!

CVS: $7.79

Lastly, for your lips I suggest using Revlon’s ColorStay Liner in Nude and Neutrogena’s MoistureShine Gloss, which I’ve previously reviewed here. These are fantastic products that won’t hurt your wallet, especially if you’re like me and seem to somehow lose half the contents of your clutch on any given Saturday.

Left: Revlon ColorStay Liner Right: Neutrogena MoistureShine Gloss
(Both at CVS for $7.99)

That’s all for now, my lovelies! Thank you for tuning in to this week’s edition of BEAUTY VICE! Next week I’ll be delving into the perfect spring scents to make your sweetheart(s) swoon and put an extra sashay in your step. Until then, mes chéris!

xoxo Ariana Nicole

 Fancy Jamz by DiBiase Atl, Hipsterazzi by Dylan York + Party Magic by Wil May! Hit me up if you need help finding a ride or any other info about the night! We’ve got mustaches and pinatas and nachos and donkey rides for yall (maybe!)

♥ Sarah Mincher

It all started out Monday morning (and by morning, I mean 1pm) where I was laying on the floor of the Barnes and Nobles Buckhead engrossed in a Where’s Waldo book (we discussed my current obsession last week) and a very handsome voice asked me if I was buying that for my child.

A CHILD?!?!

First I was wildly irritated. What mom would have time to lay around Barnes and Nobles in the middle of the afternoon, much less in leopard print leggings and a 16″ fake ponytail looking THIS good? I don’t even look responsible enough to look after your cat, much like an actual child. And please, seriously don’t let me near cats. I’ve acquired and then gotten rid of 4 cats in the span of 3 years. Like, I just don’t get them. All they do is mean mug you, play in your jewelry, and then have the audacity to want to be fed every day. Who are you, Daxclamation? But then irritation turned to hilarity. The idea of ME having an actual child. It’s like honey, I’M barely surviving in the body- you think something else could actually LIVE in here? My personality is seriously my own birth control.

So I turned around.

And I swooned.

The man was a silver fox in the kind of way that made me wish I had taken a shower and was reading the economist or something that at least had a full sentence with proper grammar in it. The kind of man who has good credit, wears nice cologne, and upgrades his luxury SUV every few years. The kind of man I imagine myself with when I want to buy something expensive but my purse is full of candy wrappers and a declined credit card. We exchanged numbers and I’ve been texting him funny photos and things that probably belong solely on my twitter ever since. I nicknamed him Barney because 1. I met him in Barnes and Nobles and 2. I forgot his real name and its this text-ulationship has gone on far too long for me to ask again.

I will keep you posted on Barney.

I had lunch Tuesday at The Porter with the dreamy boys of the Atlanta creative collective Pack Life, where we planned our next few moves for Wolves and Thom Chapman. Anything that involves rock and roll, french fries, twitter, and my opinion on such matters held in high regard totally sparkles with me. After that Sorry, Darlin beauty blogger Ariana Nicole, Winny, and I baked cookies then introduced Winny to Real Housewives of Orange County which he hated on for like two minutes then got REAL into. Duh. Bravo is like crack for your eyes. I am obsessed with the way Gretchen does her makeup. It’s like she wants to be a cross between Snooki, Daxclamation and Jessica Simpson circa Newlyweds which are totally amazing icons in their own right but probably shouldn’t be mixed. It’s like the time I tried to make a cocktail out of vodka and edible bubbles. You think it would work but it just doesn’t. Thats how I feel about your face, Gretchen.

On Wednesday NNXT said she found a really well written article about clown porn that reminded her of me. That’s obviously the only important thing that happened on Wednesday and also the most flattering thing I’ve heard in a long time.

Thursday I decided to call clown porn “clorn.”

On Friday I also had the pleasure of shooting a clothing campaign with the Atlanta based, female ran clothing brand Design-R. Design-R specializes in adorable AND affordable lounge wear for those days when you are over your party dresses and want to lay around eating mexican food watching Lord of the Rings. I mean, to be honest that’s pretty much what I want to do every day but you know. Every once in awhile I try to venture out for cocktails, gossip, and drag queens.

Sparkle Shoot.

Check out Design-R’s online store, pick out your favy outfit and get ready for our ad to launch! I’ll be offering a discount for online purchases PLUS discounts for the makeup artist, photographer and accessory designer involved. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?

Makeup by Fluffy Von Beaver Hausen, Shot by Winston Marcus Quin, Accessories by Jordan Saint Richardson Steele, Clothing by Design-R, Bubbles by me.

After the photoshoot Winny, Jordan and I got some Mexican food in the middle of NOWHERE and proceeded to kill a pitcher of margaritas that seemed to never end where we discussed our most embarrassing party girl stories ever. I left tipsy and surprised we were all still alive. I wanted to take a nap but my makeup was professionally done, I was buzzed, and it was a Friday. The only logical thing to do was to go to Dax’s where I watched him do his hair, listened to him gossip about boys and wrote my name in the waistband of all the samples I got from the photoshoot for my lady friends.

I like to be real close to my friends. Literally.

We frolicked over to Brewhouse and met up with NNXT and honestly…the combination of Dax and NNXT is a little bit too much for me. Like I want to rub my face all over them and throw glitter at them and get matching best friend tattoos and rent a bouncy castle and hold hands while we jump in it together. So we did. Sorta. The night turned into a glitzkrieg of Yacht Club, Mary’s, and Blakes where I proceeded to make besties with every gay man I encountered. Gay Bars are such interesting places. It’s like I know I’ll get way more compliments on my hair and makeup choices, but at the same time I won’t have as many men buying me drinks. I can get really crazy and not worry about getting date raped BUT I also probably won’t met any cute guys I could actually hang out with. Gay bars are a real catch twenty-woo for a party girl, ya know? The night ended with Jordan and I at Taco Bell on Ponce eating the new Doritos Shell taco which is officially the most deliciously disgusting thing I have ever consumed. Minus my bubbletini.

I’m not quite sure the who, what, when, where, or why of the situation, but Saturday I discovered my bathroom door was in my living room.

I blame Dax.

If you are looking for some fun sparkle-tastic events next week that will most DEF end up in Page Minch, I’m hosting Wil May’s party #COOL Friday night at the W Midtown and am throwing glitter all night Sunday May 6th at Fallen Arrows for a Trash Water event/raffle/party. I highly recommend both and we can chat about makeup and mermaids and stuff like that.

And for more sparkles and random adventures until then, check out my twitter and facebook page! See you next Sunday for another edition of #PAGEMINCH!

♥ Sarah Mincher